Monday, January 17, 2011

tears

I have healed a great deal since my marriage fell apart in December 2004.  But no matter how far I have come or how much healing I have done, there are times where the sadness and trauma of what I have been to rise to the surface and spill out in tears.  These "breakdowns" happen at the oddest times, usually without warning and most often at night when things are quiet and still.  When I first feel it coming on I try to suppress it - biting my tongue, focusing on some task or distracting myself by TV - but it waits, patiently and persistently.  I used to try to analyze it:  why am I crying, why am a not "over" this, etc.  But now I realize that the only thing to do is to feel it.  Let the tears come.  And get to the other side.  It happens much less often as the years go by...but I am not expecting it to ever go away.  But maybe that is just the way it is with trauma and life and loss.