Monday, October 18, 2010

Not As I Pictured

I saw an incredible documentary this weekend...Not As I Pictured by John Kaplan.  You can see more about it here.  John is a Pulitzer Prize winning photographer who is also a lymphoma survivor.  He documented his cancer journey in this film.  There is a lot that I loved about the film, but one thing in particular reminded me a lot of my own life.  The film began with pivotal points in his adult life:  falling in love, a wedding, the adoption of a child, the birth of a second child.  On the screen appeared 3 pictures (one of each event) and then the words "As I Pictured."  As the pictures faded, they were replaced with NOT...and the now dark screen read "NOT As I Pictured."

How many of our lives HAVE turned out as we pictured they would?  I would venture to guess that very few people would fall into that category.  Not everyone's life involves a trauma but most people don't have storybook "just as I pictured" lives.  Those of us who are single parents often did not picture our lives this way.  We probably had storybook images of mom and dad in love, loving and raising children and then growing old together.  Even though we probably all have lists of what we would like to change, I expect that most of us would not trade our single parenthood for anything - just because of the wonderful joy brought into our lives by our children.  I know it is kind of cliche.  But for me it is worth remembering.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Flashbacks

Watched a TiVo'd episode of Oprah tonight.  A woman who contracted HIV from her husband.  He was living a secret double life and having sex with men.  This could have happened to me.  I remember getting my HIV test after I found out about my husband's double life.  I remember waiting for the test results.  I remember the relief of receiving negative test results.  I was just lucky.

Here's the link to Oprah:

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Why-Bridget-Sued-Her-Husband-for-12-Million-Dollars

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Random Thoughts

I am anxious. 

This week has been out of the norm because my kiddo had strep and was out of school for three days.  I have been distracted and out of my groove at work.  My house has been cluttered and out of control.  I am out of clean clothes.  The seasons are changing and I realize that once again, my winter clothes seem smaller than they did last year...I am fairly certain that is not related to my ever increasing weight.  I am really bad at planning dinners.  I am even worse at planning healthy dinners.

I have stuff I want to do.

I want to get some pictures framed and hung in my house.  I want to repaint a few rooms.  I want to move some perennials around in my garden.  I want to clean out my basement and throw away or donate stuff I do not need or want.  I want to lose weight but I do not want to change what I eat or exercise more.  I am fairly certain that it not going to work.  I want to figure out how to follow blogs on my new Droid phone but RSS feeds and the like are monumentally confusing to me.  I want to scrapbook again - it has been many months.  I have been wanting to blog...but have been stuck in this spot.

So I thought that I would try to write it out.  So far I don't feel better.  But maybe I will.