Tomorrow, I’m starting a new series with Debbie who blogs at My Everyday Journey. Debbie was married to the love of her life until she found out he was a pedophile. She’s an amazing lady who’s bravely and courageously rebuilt a life for herself and her son. As I said on my Since My Divorce Facebook page, never again will I listen to a news story of a pedophile without wondering if he has a wife and children and what’s happening in their world. I hope you’ll join me as Debbie shares what has helped her through her challenges.Guess what? She said it. She said the word. She said pedophile. After talking with Mandy a few weeks ago for this series, I realized that I had never before actually used the word pedophile to describe my husband. I reviewed the diagnostic criteria for pedophilia to make sure that's what he really was. I went back and read my "About Me" posts and realized that I didn't even use the word there. I danced around it. I alluded to it. I said my ex-husband was sexually pre-occupied with minors. But I never said what he really was, which was a pedophile.
I know that I am not to blame for what he did. I know there is no way I could have known about his problems at that time. But it is something that still brings about feelings of shame. It still makes me wonder if people judge me for being married to such a man...being married to a pedophile. There I said it.
So....are you judging me? Are you thinking that I must be a little insane myself? That I must have seen signs and just chose to ignore them? Do you think that I am a bad judge of character? Do you think I just must not be that bright?
I have thought all those things. I have concluded that none of them are true. But the shame and embarrassment of falling in love, marrying and having a child with a man who turned out to be a pedophile still sneaks in. That is one of the many reasons I started blogging. When I was going through this I could not find anyone who could truly relate. I could not find anyone who was going through exactly what I was experiencing. I still haven't. I have found some common ground, some similar situations, but no one who says, "I, too, was married to a pedophile."
I wanted to bring my story out of the shadows. I wanted to be open with it so that maybe, if there was someone else out there dealing with similar issues, they would feel less shame. I wanted to get it out there so that it did not have any more power over me.
I am really looking forward to seeing what Mandy takes from my story and how she presents it. And I am holding my breath a little too....