Monday, June 21, 2010

some days....

I have nothing insightful to say.  I have no deep thoughts, no feelings that need to be vented and no major life lessons learned.  Today was just an normal crazy day in my everyday journey.  Took my son to camp, got my central air fixed (kind of a surprise expense since it just broke last night), worked a full day, visited one of my support groups (for work) tonight, picked up my son from his baseball game and found out that they led the WHOLE game and lost by one run in the bottom of the last inning (bummer), came home, watered the plants, fixed hungry kiddo a snack and now vegging for a bit before our bedtime routine.

But I feel good right now.  Content.  Happy.  That is a good way to end a day.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father's Day

My emotions about Father's Day have changed throughout the past few years.  For the first two Father's Days, I was married to my husband and loved having a day to celebrate his relationship with our son.  After the traumatic collapse of our marriage and family, I had a difficult time on Father's Day.  I spent it mourning what my son had lost.  I knew at that time that his father would never be able to be a healthy part of his life, and I mourned the fact that my son would not grow up with a dad.  However, over the past two or three years I have found myself feeling thankful to the men in my life who serve as role models to my son.  They show him that there are great men out there and give him something to aspire to.

That is something to be thankful for!

Friday, June 18, 2010

telling my story

Our lives are made up of stories.  Little ones.  Big ones.  Sad ones.  Happy ones.  Consuming ones.  I believe that my stories are a part of who I am but I struggle with not letting them define me.  I have wanted to tell one of my stories on my blog for a long time:  the story of how I became a single mom.  I wondered WHY I continually felt the need to tell that story...was it for the right reasons or the wrong reasons.  Did I think telling my story would help me or others or did I just want some kind of attention.  I also struggle because there are parts of my story that embarrass me and make me feel ashamed.  But there are also parts that make me proud and make me feel strong.

One thing I have never found is someone who shares a similar story.  But then I wonder if there are others out there, who are ashamed of their story also, just looking for someone else to relate to, like I have been.

I stumbled across a blog (see Only Parent Chronicles on my blog list) of a woman who describes herself as an only mom.  Her story is one of the closest to mine I have found.  On her blog she tells her story - in five parts.  I read it and found it to be helpful.  So I started rethinking telling my own story - in pieces.  I think I might.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Decluttering

Clutter is defined by Webster as "a crowded or confused mass or collection or things that clutter a place."

Decluttering is defined by Collins English Dictionary as, "to simplify or get rid of mess, disorder, complications, etc. declutter your life."

I wonder if there is a word that defines how you get cluttered.  I think it is just called life!  

Regardless, clutter annoys me.  I feel less productive and less effective when things around me are cluttered. Unfortunately, I am a magnet for clutter...so decluttering is something I try to do often. 

Once I get on a roll I find myself almost addicted to the process.  Everything I look at I judge to see if it is worthy of staying, going in the garage sale pile, donate pile or trash pile.  The physical process of decluttering my home often feels cathartic.  I feel lighter.  I feel more free.  Decluttering my physical space often results in feeling more decluttered mentally.


So my next project is to tackle a black hole of clutter in my house:  my family room closet which contains items ranging from bills, games, computer equipment, scrapbooking supplies and artwork from my 7 year old's preschool days!


Wish me luck!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Rearranging

I have lived in the same house for 11 years.  The first six were as a married woman.  The second five have been as a divorced single mom.  My home holds many memories...some good, some not so good.  One of my challenges over the past five years has been trying to make "our" home into "my" home.  It is impossible to banish all the memories, but there is value in re-creating my own space with my son.

Today I took another step.  I rearranged a room that still held too much of the past.  I re-purposed some of the furnishings into other places.  I will still make some more changes in this room - but it feels good for today.  The room still holds memories...but it feels different enough now.  Different enough to be mine rather than ours.  Different enough to start making new memories.

Monday, June 14, 2010

monday morning

Most monday mornings are yucky for me.  But today is different.  I have a peaceful content attitude.  I have good memories of a fabulous weekend tent camping with friends.  I have freshly painted toenails.  I have a kid on summer vacation who went to camp today without any of the normal complaints like "why do you have to work during the summer" and "why can't I stay home during the summer like my other friends?"  It does not seem to matter that my house is trashed after coming home from camping or that I have loads of laundry to do when I get home.  I am just happy.

Life is good.

Friday, June 4, 2010

a good read

I recently started reading "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth.

Yes, I saw her on Oprah and decided to take a chance on the book.  So far I have NOT been disappointed.  It has really spurred some deep thinking which I will probably share as I process my thoughts more.  Check out more about the book here.