Sunday, April 4, 2010

What feeds your soul?

It is Easter morning.  The sun is shining.  I am sitting on my couch by an open window feeling the cool breeze coming in and freshening up the house, which is still stale from months of winter.  What I need is to find that thing that will freshen ME up.  Yes, I know I could take a shower and that would help, but I am talking about my soul.  I have been struggling with many things over the last few months but today it hit me that what I am really looking for is something to feed my soul.

My soul feels empty right now.  The things that used to energize me aren't doing it right now.  Some of my friendships have changed.  The hobbies I enjoy feel like chores.  The joy I find in my career has been eclipsed by an overwhelming amount of work.  I could go on, but it just sounds like blah, blah, blah in my head.

I have faced some incredible challenges in my life, but I have always tried to maintain a positive attitude and focus on the things that are good and wonderful in my life.  I am frustrated that I am not able to do that right now.  I resemble those commercials that say "depression hurts."  [Yes, I do deal with depression on an ongoing basis and it has reared it's ugly head again]  I desperately want to find joy and appreciate the little things but no matter how hard I WANT it, I am not doing it.  Instead I find myself doing destructive things like over-sleeping, over-eating, isolating myself or just not doing anything at all.

Right now I can think of a number of things I appreciate:  my home, the sound of birds chirping outside, my son playing in the family room, the home-cooked breakfast I made for us this morning, being on vacation for a week.  But my SOUL still feel like it is missing something.


How do you figure out what feeds your soul?

2 comments:

  1. I work out to keep from doing the self destructive things. I find that I struggle with not wanting to hide in my home and drink wine.
    Instead I make myself exercise. It helps with my mind and my body!
    Good luck girl. You can beat it.

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  2. I am a good hider and wonderfully excellent at alienating myself from friends. I get being able to think of all the good things in my life - but still feeling a missing piece. I also, like Danielle, struggle with wanting to hide in my home and drink wine.

    Sometimes working out helps. Sometimes playing wih my boys helps. Sometimes going for a walk, or reading, or taking a bath or talking to a friend, or writing, or crying, or laughing...

    What always helps is just being in the moment and being ok with the moment. EVEN the horrible ones, the drab ones, and the stinky ones. Whatever the moment is, is the moment I am meant to be in and will lead to another moment - hopefully a better one. SO easy to say, SO HARD TO DO! I am not good at doing it - but when I do it - I mean really consciously do it - it makes it (whatever it is) more bearable.

    I have been thinking about you and, in my mind, I have been writing an email to you about your last post. Now I just need to actually put into email form...

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